A group of women sitting at a Rochester coffee shop were listening closely.
Whether widowed, divorced or never married, women are trying to define how they want their next relationships to look — if they can find someone to date — and how to define the dating terrain. They want to set some guidelines for themselves before they meet someone.
Some are meeting people at dinner parties or at bars that cater to middle-aged clientele. Others are comfortable with online dating services such as Match. Carmen Coleman, 51, a Fairport financial planner divorced for 12 years, has been dating for two years.
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It takes two years of dating someone to really know them. She met one man at work, another at church who later reached out to her via Facebook.
She, like many others, likes for a first date to be in a public place. She also is trying to reconcile old-fashioned ideals — for example, that the man pays the bill in most instances — with modern expectations.
Although surveys continually show that more people meet potential partners at work than anywhere else, Ronan will not date co-workers because she says it could get too complicated. Yet for those who need some help, those on the dating scene suggest finding groups to .
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That way, you meet someone with common interests. Go to meetup. Rochester Fun Raisers over40andsingle. Stacey Bershod, 51, of Rochester enjoys visiting the Garden Vibes concerts at George Eastman House in the summer, where guests bring picnics, blankets and lawn chairs.
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It has been successful for two of my friends who are now married to someone they met on Match. When people are older, relationships are more complicated. Both people bring emotional baggage, family obligations and financial obligations, plus differing ideas, and possible concerns, about sexual performance, says Anne Graham, 63, a mental health counselor and a divorced mother of a year-old from Penfield. Graham finds going out with groups of friends the most comfortable way to meet men.
That way, you have enjoyable people with whom to go out and explore old favorite activities and try new ones. Brighton social worker Miriam Gale also recommends pursuing interests and activities that are enjoyable, not that you feel will lead to a date.
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Finding a sense of self — and approaching relationships with confidence and integrity — are easier when you are in a comfortable situation and a must for successful dating. Gloria Morgan, 55, of Rochester, the mother of three grown children and a school administrator, started dating in after her divorce was final.
Two were face to face.
These contacts defined what she did not want, she says. You have to be willing to adjust and change.
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